just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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