At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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