Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
