She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
COCAINE IS GR8
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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