what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
