omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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