dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize