matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
