i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
