Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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