Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
3 2 1 whiskey
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
