I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
