Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my shit smells like andre
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
