i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
