I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
