Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
