That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
