Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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