Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
