worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
