Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
