if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
