Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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