I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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