I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I understand Curling. That high.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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