Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
