Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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