My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
