I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I want to be your penis for a week.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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