God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
