i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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