I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
