im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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