i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
