I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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