It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
