she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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