I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
