would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
