so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
