If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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