can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
