i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
