apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
