I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
