FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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