I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
