can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
