Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
