awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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