I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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