youre lurking in front of me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
