I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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