Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
