Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The Olympian is in my bed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
